Title: Jessica's Secret (1/1)
Author: Louise Phillips
E-mail: lovesfic@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Category: S, MSR
Spoiler Warnings: Fifth season spoilers
Summary: Scully collapses at a pre-Christmas dinner and meets an 
enchanting child as she waits to see if test results indicate that her 
cancer has returned.
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They belong to Chris Carter, 
10-13, Fox, and all of those people. I am just borrowing them for a 
while. No infringement is intended, and I am not making money off this.

Please send feedback! Special thanks to Lorrie, Noel, Goblin214, 
Tabitha, Catalyna, DayGlow Angel for offering to beta read my story. A 
Happy Holidays to the romantics. : ) May we get the real present in the 
coming year.

*****************************
Jessica's Secret (1/1)
By: Louise Phillips

What had begun as a celebration of life quickly downgraded into a 
nightmare...

December 22, 1997
Margaret Scully's Residence

The Scully family had gathered with a select few of their closest 
friends to celebrate Christmas and the meaning of the holidays. The 
celebration of life both new and renewed, with Tara Scully close to her 
due date and Dana enjoying a second chance at life after her seemingly 
incurable cancer went into remission. The Christmas feast was being held 
early this year because Margaret was going to spend Christmas with her 
eldest sister, Katherine Reed, who was suffering from advanced lung 
cancer. Although she did not wish to leave her child and unborn 
grandchild, she was secure in the fact that she would have many 
Christmases with both. 

Of the selected friends sitting around the decorated table, only one was 
invited by the only living Scully daughter. Dana's only guest was her 
partner, Fox Mulder, seated by her side. Mulder noticed that Dana looked 
deeply anguished at every mention of the overdue child. Although he 
could never ask, Mulder was certain that Scully had been informed of her 
infertility and was grieving over the children that were never to be. He 
had selfishly held the horrible secret for several months to protect her 
from undue emotional pain, not realizing that she already knew. 
Moreover, she seemed slightly bothered at another problem that he could 
not diagnose. Mulder took his right hand from the wine glass on which it 
rested and slid it under the table. His hand took Scully's left hand 
that was resting on her lap and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Although 
he was trying to be furtive, to stave off the speculation of her family 
and the suspicious nature of Bill Scully, the gesture did not go 
unnoticed by her mother. At that same moment, Margaret Scully had bent 
down to retrieve a wayward napkin and had seen the move from her 
position under the table. Her heart warmed at the though of the 
Christmases yet to come.

Once Mulder released his grip on Scully's hand, Dana slid her chair back 
and excused herself from the room for a few minutes. He had noticed that 
her face appeared to be slightly pale, but attributed this to the late 
night that two had spent over at her apartment wrapping gifts for 
various family members. Ever since Scully had been released from the 
hospital, the two had been spending more time together outside of work. 
He only wished that their new togetherness did not stem from such a 
threat to Scully's life. He never wanted to see her go through such pain 
again. Especially now he had begun to realize that his feelings of 
affection ran deeper than previously thought. Of all the gifts that he 
had bought that year, there was one gift she had not seen. His hand 
instinctively prodded his inner pocket to ensure that the small box was 
still there, as close to his heart as the intended recipient.

When Margaret entered into the dining room with the last serving bowl, 
she noticed the empty chair. "Where's Dana?" she asked in Mulder's 
general direction. (Fox knows, she thought to herself. Fox always knows. 
It's as if the two have some sort of silent communication.)

Mulder volunteered to find her. He approached the bathroom door, but the 
light was off and the door open. He turned on the light, but she wasn't 
there. Turning toward the hall again, he saw a light shining from 
beneath the last door on the left. Soundlessly, he reached the door and 
opened it wide enough to peek through. This room  appeared to belong to 
her mother. Scully's tiny frame was stretched out on the bed, looking 
through photo albums. She was so absorbed in thought that she didn't 
notice Mulder until he sat down on the bed and placed his hand on her 
shoulder.

"Your mother is waiting for you to come down."

Her body shuddered in surprise. It took her a minute to respond. When 
she did, it was not his statement that she addressed. "Look at the 
picture of me standing with my parents. I was only three then. Can you 
see the love and pride in their eyes as they look at me?" Her voice 
started to waver and tears formed in the corner of her eyes. Her fingers 
took on a mind of their own as she caressed the picture.

After a moment of silence Scully resumed speaking, her voice taking on a 
faraway tone. "Mulder, there's something I never told you about my 
abduction, something I only recently discovered." She turned her head 
around so he wouldn't be able to look her in the eye. She couldn't tell 
him the news to his face for fear that his gaze would cause her to lose 
her composure. Mulder remained silent. "The last time I was in the 
hospital, I was put through a battery of tests. One in particular 
returned with disturbing results. I made them check repeatedly, but it 
only confirmed the original diagnosis. As a result of the events of my 
abduction, I am no longer able to bear children."

She turned around to face Mulder and was greeted by a look of pain. She 
knew that he felt responsible for her abduction and this would make him 
feel even worse, but she had to tell someone. He tried to speak, but 
knew there was nothing to say that would take away her own pain. The 
pain of knowing that she would never carry a child inside her body, that 
she would never be able to hold her own flesh and blood in her arms.

Scully's eyes welled with fresh tears as she told her partner, "You're 
the only one I've told. You have to promise me that you'll keep it a 
secret until I am ready to tell the others."

"I promise," came the solemn reply.

In one quick motion, a now wildly sobbing Scully hurled herself into 
Mulder's outstretched arms. His arms snaked around her waist as his own 
tears came. The two sat this way for what seemed like an eternity, but 
was in actuality only a few minutes. Mulder then realized his reason for 
being upstairs.

He wiped his tears off with his sleeve. Bringing his lips to her ear, he 
asked Scully if she wanted to come downstairs or if she needed some time 
alone.

As quickly as Scully had embraced him, she pulled away. "I'm fine," she 
said severely. As she wiped away her own tears, the look of desperation 
left her eyes, replaced by a cool, distant look. "I'm just a little 
tired and emotional. The holidays always seem to bring me down. Let's go 
downstairs and see what my mother has made." As she stood up to leave, 
Scully's legs suddenly gave way, and she fell to the ground, hitting her 
head on the side of the bed. That was when Mulder noticed the small 
bloodstain spreading over the carpet that had originated from Scully's 
nose. He was overcome with fear as he leaned over her, trying to assess 
whether she was conscious. She was not.

Mulder desperately shouted down the stairs for some assistance, and the 
footsteps were soon heard running. The panic in his voice could not be 
ignored. Bill Scully pulled Mulder's cell phone from his hands and 
called for the paramedics, while Mulder knelt down at Scully's side, 
trying to comfort himself as much as he was trying to help her. His 
trembling voice kept asking her to wake up, and soon wild panic raised 
his voice to a shout. He was trying to transfer his strength, so that 
she could fight the cause of her collapse. Her recent brush with death 
lead Mulder to believe that Scully was in very serious condition. He 
barely noticed as more blood, from a relatively small head wound, began 
to stain his white shirt. His fear was that her cancer had returned and 
they would be thrust back into the same hell that they had left only 
weeks ago. Perhaps she would not be so lucky a second time.

Although Mulder became oblivious to everyone in the room except for 
Scully, the others in the room were very aware of the happenings. After 
seeing the blood on her daughter's head and nose, Margaret Scully was 
fast becoming hysterical. She had been so strong over the past few 
years, but strength has it limits. The death of her husband, the death 
of Melissa, the near death of Dana. She couldn't face the possibility 
that she again might be losing her only living daughter. 

Although it seemed like an eternity to Mulder, the paramedics arrived 
only a few minutes after Scully's collapse. Mulder followed her into the 
back of the ambulance, but was pulled out by Bill Scully so that 
Margaret could ride with her daughter.

December 23
Waiting Room, Memorial Hospital

It was a tense night in the waiting room for both Mulder and the Scully 
family as they waited for any news on Dana. The news finally came 
shortly after 1am that she had regained consciousness, but there would 
be no news as to the cause of the collapse until more tests could be 
run. A lone sob rang out from Margaret Scully as the doctor confirmed 
their fears that a relapse of the cancer may have been the cause.

After bringing the family up to date on Dana's condition, Dr. Brady said 
that Dana could have a few visitors, as long as the visits were brief 
and limited to family members only. Mulder would have to wait until 
after breakfast to see her. He watched with a broken heart as Margaret 
and Bill disappeared down the corridor. Mulder sat down on the closest 
couch and waited for morning to come.

December 24

Scully shuffled slowly along the corridor of the hospital, no longer 
able to stand the confining walls of her room. She had sent an exhausted 
Mulder home for several hours to get some much needed sleep. He had not 
left the hospital since she had been admitted, spending every waking 
moment of the past two days with her. Even though he would return later 
that night, she had already begun to miss him terribly. There had been 
no news as to the status of her cancer, and she was becoming scared that 
the news would not be good. She did not want this to be her last 
Christmas. Lying in a hospital bed had given her ample time to think and 
she started to realize how much she had to live for, despite her 
infertility. A loving devoted family, a man who would do anything for 
her.

Scully soon found herself in the pediatric ward. The floor was bustling 
with activity, as parents were busy tucking their children in for the 
long winter's night. But Scully sensed that their hearts were not full 
of joy. Many families had not expected to have their beautiful children 
away from home at the happiest time of the year. Accidents and illnesses 
often had the misfortune appearing at this time of year, and by the time 
those children arrived home, the trees would be out at the curb. Other 
parents were faced with the task of remembering every second, every 
word, every scene of their child's last Christmas. Her battle with 
cancer allowed Scully to sympathize with this small group.

She continued down the hall, peering into the rooms. Scully knew that 
she should be conserving her strength, especially if bad news awaited, 
but she felt compelled to continue on as if being pulled by a string. 
She came to a stop at the final door on her left and peered inside. 
Lying on the bed was a young girl, all alone. The child looked up and 
saw Scully staring. This child was the most beautiful little girl that 
Scully had ever seen, but there was a sadness clouding her eyes that 
seared Scully's soul.

A wavering voice broke the silence. "Have you seen my mommy?" Tears 
sprung to two pairs of eyes. It killed Scully to have to deny this child 
her mother, but she shook her head.

"Daddy said that mommy couldn't come because she had to have the baby, 
but I want to see her."

Scully nodded, finally understanding why the child was alone. The mother 
had gone into labour that night, and the father was torn between his 
wife and new child, and his injured daughter.

Scully walked over to the bed, determined to give the child some company 
until the father arrived. She sat down beside the child and wiped away 
her hot tears. Trying to take the girl's mind off of her loneliness, 
Scully started to ask her questions.

"What's your name?"

"Jessica," she replied tentatively. "What's your name?" Scully sensed 
that the child had been raised to mistrust strangers, but had become 
used to strange people entering the room.

"I'm Dana. How old are you Jessica?"

"Five," replied the child.

There were bandages covering part of her head and her left leg was in 
traction. Although it was apparent that she would recover, Jessica was 
obviously still in pain. Her investigative side caused her to lean over 
and whisper in Jessica's ear: "What happened to you?"

Her faced brightened at the fact that she was being treated like an 
adult by a grown up. "Daddy took me to the park so that we could slide 
on the hills, but on the way home I saw a cute puppy across the street. 
I wanted to go pet it so I ran across the road and got runned over by a 
car. Daddy was crying because he was scared... and I was too."

Scully's heart ached for the child's pain and that fact that her family 
would be separated over the holidays. Children weren't meant to be alone 
on Christmas Eve. 

Her heart also ached for herself knowing that she would probably never 
be able to have children because of her abduction. She never knew how 
much she wanted to feel a child growing inside of her until now, and it 
was too late. She would never hold her own child in her arms.

"Dana, you look like my Mommy," Jessica began, "and you smell like her 
too. A really nice smell. But you don't have a big tummy."

"Thanks Jessica," Scully laughed and leaned over to give her a kiss on 
the cheek. Jessica took this as a cue to hold onto Scully for dear life, 
lest her only company on the happiest night of the year be torn away. 

As Scully held the child who was now sobbing for her mother, she noticed 
an exquisite necklace hanging from the child's neck. To take Jessica's 
mind off her loneliness, she asked her about the jewellery.

"Mommy was visiting me when she said she had to go and have the baby. 
She had the necklace on, but she let me wear it because I'm being such a 
brave girl. Daddy gave it to my mommy before they were married." 

"It's very pretty," Scully said. Upon touching the necklace, a thrilling 
sensation swept through her body. She had never seen anything as perfect 
as Jessica wearing the necklace.

"Mommy said it's one of a kind."

At that moment, she turned toward the door and thought that she saw 
Mulder hovering outside. Promising Jessica that she would come right 
back, she ran toward the door moving much faster than a person should in 
such a weak condition. She realized her error as her slipper stepped in 
some water spilled by a nurse, and she ended up sprawled across the 
hall. Fortunately, she was unhurt.

Mulder nearly ran through the halls as he searched for Scully. It had 
almost made him sick when he returned to her room for the night and was 
informed by the nurse that she had disappeared. His instincts told him 
that she was still too weak from her fall and fatigue to be out of bed, 
and needed to find her fast.

It was quite a shock to him to find her sliding out into the hallway and 
land on her ass. Normally it would be quite humorous, but he was too 
worried to laugh. He took her outstretched hand and pulled her to her 
feet. 

Despite Scully's weakness and fear at the awaiting news, Mulder was 
struck by the air of content she radiated. Immediately mystified, he 
forgot all about the doctor who was waiting in the room and wanted to 
know that cause of her tranquillity. He did not have to wait long.

"There is someone I want you to meet," Scully told Mulder. She slipped 
her small hand into his larger one and lead him to the room she had 
emerged from only minutes ago. "Her name is Jessica. She's all alone 
tonight because her mother has just gone into labour and her father went 
with her. She was recently hit by a car. She seems fine, but is very 
scared. I was hoping we could spend some time with her tonight until her 
father returns."

His hand broke free of hers. "You go ahead. I need to go to your room 
and let everyone know that you are okay. I'll find my way back." He knew 
how badly she wanted to stay with the child, so he didn't try to 
convince her to go back to her room. He didn't want to take away her 
opportunity to act as a surrogate mother to the child, knowing that she 
could never have children of her own.

"Let me go with you."

Mulder put his foot down. "I can't do that. Look at you, you are way too 
weak to walk all that way." He placed his cool hand on her forehead. 
"You're flushed. Go into the little girl's room an lie down." He wanted 
her to rest, but that was not his only motive. He also wanted to 
retrieve her gift from his jacket pocket. It was resting on her bed. He 
wanted to give it to her at the right moment, and did not want her to 
find it before then.

"I'm fine," she told him. But she knew he was right and Jessica needed 
her, so she watched him disappear down the hall. She turned to enter the 
private room.

Mulder entered a room of worried faces upon his return. He reassured 
everyone that Scully was fine and recounted the story of Jessica. A 
collective sigh of relief went up among the family members, although 
Bill still had a look of suspicion in his eyes. Mulder made his way over 
to his jacket, complaining about the temperature of the room. He told 
her mother to go home and get some sleep because he had no idea when 
Jessica's father would return to her room. Margaret offered to stay and 
sit with the child in place of her daughter, but also knew of her 
compassion and her need to experience a sense of innocence over the 
holidays. Reluctantly the Scully family left leaving Mulder some quality 
time with Dana.

He had just closed the door on his way out, when he ran into Scully's 
doctor.

"Have you got the test results back yet?" Mulder was very anxious.

The young doctor nodded wearily. "I was just about to go in and talk to 
her."

"She's not in there. She's down in the pediatric ward staying with a 
lonely child. I'll bring her up right away." Mulder knew that she was 
craving some answers. He would return her to the child right after if 
the doctor allowed and if the news wasn't too devastating.

When he reached Jessica's room, he saw Scully siting on the worn 
mattress of an otherwise bare room. She was confused and at the point of 
tears.

"She was here. I saw her, I held her hand." Mulder walked over to her 
and placed his hand on her shoulder. Her thin body was shaking.

"There has got to be some logical explanation for this," Mulder said in 
a complete reversal of roles. "I'll go check with the nurse on duty to 
see if she has was taken anywhere by her father when your back was 
turned to the room."

When he consulted the nurse, he was told that the room had been vacant 
for days. The nurse also told him to take his friend back to her doctor, 
because she was probably delusional. Upon that last comment, Mulder gave 
the nurse a look that in primitive would have turned her to stone. He 
turned away disgusted. As completely sure as he was that she had seen 
this child, he was as sure that she was in full possession of her senses 
that night.

He returned to the room to tell her that this girl she saw could not 
have been there, could not have existed. The nurse even checked the 
records twice to see if there were any Jessicas in the pediatric ward. 
No name even resembled Jessica. Scully swore that she was lucid and that 
she saw a girl there. Her mind began to drift back to other times. Her 
father, the ghost in the bathroom. Her heart ached with the tragedy that 
must have taken place in the room, for the loss of such a young child on 
such a sacred holiday. For the family who would never see Christmas in 
the same eyes again.

She stood to leave the room, to get away from the crushing feelings of 
sadness and death. Mulder stopped her by lifting her into his arms. He 
wrapped his strong arms around her to protect her from the fear. She was 
crying. He needed to find some way to dry her tears.

He passed her the little box from his jacket pocket. With all of the 
earlier confusion as to Scully's whereabouts, Mulder did not have time 
to wrap the present. The only decoration was a blue ribbon encircling 
the blue box.

She took the box from his hand. "What's this for?" She was still 
confused and a little scared by her ordeal.

"I saw a man ripping off a jewellery store earlier today when I was 
shopping for your Christmas gift. Last minute shopping, you know. 
Anyway, I would have gone after him but time was running out and I still 
hadn't found the perfect gift for you. Just then, I saw something on the 
ground. He had dropped something from the bag he was carrying. It was 
all wrapped up nicely, so I thought I would bring it over and give it to 
you. It looked feminine enough, so if it's not, blame the crook."

Scully laughed in spite of herself. Mulder always knew how to cheer her 
up. She started getting excited as to the contents of the box, because 
she knew that to make a mood-lightening joke it had to be something 
special.

She had no idea exactly how special this gift was...

She quickly peeled off the ribbon, despite her fatigue, nothing was 
going to stop her from seeing this gift. As she peered inside, her 
breath caught in her throat. Nestled among the silk in the box was a 
necklace that she recognized quite well. It was the same necklace that 
had graced Jessica's neck.

Mulder leaned over and whispered into her ear, "Do you like it? I had it 
specially made for you. It's one of a kind."

Scully couldn't respond. The sweet voice began filling her thoughts:

"Mommy said it's one of a kind..."

"My daddy gave it to my mommy before they were married..."

"You look like my Mommy..."

"She had to have the baby..."

Mulder's voice brought her out of her reverie. "Scully, we have to go 
back to your room right now. Dr. Brady has your test results and she 
wants to talk to you before she leaves tonight." He needed no 
reassurance that she liked the necklace because the look on her face 
told him all he needed to know.

Scully peered in his face. Mulder was very anxious to hear about those 
results. He cared about her more than she ever imagined anyone could. At 
that moment, everything became clear as she envisioned the two of them 
dancing at their wedding. She made a mental note of contacting a 
fertility specialist in the new year to see if those earlier test 
results were in error, or if there was still a possibility of having a 
child after treatment.

"Let's go," she told him, but was no longer concerned about the test 
results. She knew how it would all turn out.