Title: What If It's A Wonderful Life ? (1/2) Author: Shinkai E-mail Address: shinkai@mlode.com Rating: PG (Language) Classification: CR Spoilers: Squeeze, Tooms, Anasazi Keywords: 6th season, Mulder/Scully romance/friendship, Angst Summary: 'It's a Wonderful Life' crossover with a twist. As others enjoy the holidays, a lonely Mulder wonders what his life would have been like if Scully had ice tea in that bag (Tooms) and they had become lovers. An unlikely angel, X, comes to him to lead him to the truth once again. Intro: This (hopefully) is a story that will satisfy 'shippers and No-romos alike. It explores the concept of love vs. marriage and sex, and how we allow ourselves to regret lost opportunities instead of reveling in future ones. The story starts out rather lighthearted but gets darker as it progresses. It does have a happy ending however (as do most of my stories.) Disclaimer: The characters and situations depicted in this story are not the legal property of the author or her agents. This use is not intended to be an infringement on the rights of the legal owners. Use and distribution of this story is for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only. ______________________________________ WHAT IF IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ? Fox Mulder wrapped a blanket around himself to fight off the December chill, as he sat on his couch, watching old sci-fi movies. It didn't matter that it was a Friday night and that any other man in his position would be visiting with friends and sharing in the cheer of the holiday season. He didn't care that he was overlooked or outright shunned when it came to party invitations, greeting cards, and gifts. It was a small price to pay to remain independent and beholding to no man. All the same, the blanket couldn't ward off the cold loneliness of the night. Just then the phone rang. "It's me." said the soft familiar feminine voice from the other end. "I just wanted to let you know that the raw data analysis you asked for will be ready next Tuesday. I had to call in a few favors but the boys at Quantico still remember me." Mulder thought to himself, < Like anyone could ever forget you. >. But out loud he just replied, "Thanks, Scully. I owe you one." "One? More like a hundred and one but who's counting." Scully laughed lightly and it sent waves of warmth through him that banished the cold from his bones. "Have a nice weekend, Mulder. See you Monday." He knew that once she said good bye it would be back to the blanket and B-movies. Before she could hang up Mulder quickly asked, "Do you have any big plans for tonight?" He regretted the words as soon as he said them. < The cold must be numbing my brain. She deserves better than a weak pick up line. > Scully was silent for a moment then sighed and answered, "Well, I thought I could catch up on some journal articles and complete my continuing education requirements for the year. That way I could keep the weekend free just in case a better offer comes along." < Is she trying to tease me or is that just wishful thinking? > he wondered, as his head filled with the possible 'better offers.' The image of Scully wrapped around him instead of a scratchy blanket sent his temperature rocketing. A quiet moan escaped his lips and found its way over the phone lines back to Scully. "Mulder, are you all right?" she asked with sincere concern, totally oblivious to her partner's level of arousal. Mulder snapped back to reality and suddenly became aware of just how desperately he didn't want to be alone. "Uh...yeah. I'm just a little cold. There's no point in turning up the heat and wasting all that fossil fuel just for me." Scully let out an exasperated sigh. "You just have to be a martyr, don't you? Well, it won't work this time. I don't feel one bit sorry for you. I do, however, feel a little sorry for your fish." She could hear Mulder groan in mock agony. "Just think warm thoughts, Mulder. Bye." Mulder mumbled good bye and listened to the click as she hung up. He threw off the blanket and shut off the TV then began pacing across his floor. It was his own fault, of course. All that flirting that led to nothing when they first started working together set the precedence. How could he have known way back then that she would become the most important person in his life? Who would have guessed that he couldn't imagine a life without her? < Bullshit! I knew. I knew from the moment she was ready to believe in me after our first case together. I knew when Colton tried to take her away from me. I knew when she said she wouldn't put herself on the line for any one but me. > Mulder bemoaned the lost opportunities of the past and began to wonder 'what if.' What if it had been ice tea in that bag instead of root beer? What if she hadn't written off his advances as nothing more than joking around? What if she felt the same way about him as he did about her? What if they had spent the last five years together as lovers instead of just partners? What if he asked her to keep him warm and she did? Mulder couldn't stand it any longer. Grabbing his coat and car keys, he ran out the door. He needed to know. He needed to complete his life. Driving through the city, Mulder saw all the trapping of the Christmas season and felt compelled to stop and watch. Families shopping together, couples walking arm in arm, street corner Santa Claus's, bright lights and music filling the air. His first thought was 'Conspiracy' - a plot to bolster the economy and create an atmosphere of ambivalence, allowing those behind the conspiracy to manipulate the behavior of the masses and cover up any ill deeds. Mulder sank back in his seat and wondered < What if I weren't so paranoid and could appreciate real joy and happiness? > These people really were happy. Even if there was a conspiracy to wring every last cent from them, the happiness was their own. Society was giving them permission to indulge their whims and live their dreams. Maybe that was the real magic of Christmas in America today. Maybe that's why Mulder was ready to confess everything to Scully in hopes of finding a future together. Suddenly the scene before him transformed. He was no longer just watching it all, he became a part of it. People smiled as they walked by and no one questioned why he was there. He was accepted as one of them - another consumer filled with the spirit of giving. Mulder found himself looking in the window of a jewelry shop wondering how much he could afford. Before long, a helpful sales clerk told him just how much he could afford and sold him a promise ring for just that same price. Fox Mulder, professional bug-hunter and ghost chaser, life long loner and cynic, had just become a romantic. Mulder's mind remained distracted as he worked out how to approach her so she knew he wasn't kidding. He formulated an opening line -'When you said to think warm thoughts, all I could think about was you.' He'd have to act fast before she had a chance to joke away the moment. He clutched nervously at the small jewelry box in his pocket. He didn't have them gift wrap it because he wanted to make sure Scully knew it wasn't just a gift but a symbol of all the love he felt for her. His mind became so preoccupied with his plans to woo Scully, that he didn't notice the man darting out from the sidewalk until it was too late. Mulder slammed on the brakes but the car slid on the icy road and hit the man, sending him flying over the hood. "Oh, shit!" Mulder cried and leapt out of the car to check the victim, cursing at himself for his distraction. Mulder began his assessment as he approached. < He's moving and groaning. That's a good sign. It means he's alive and breathing. Let's see... black adult male, no visible signs of bleeding. Just let me turn him over... > Mulder stopped short as he recognized the face of a man he thought was long dead already. "YOU!" X slowly sat up, stretching and rubbing his side where Mulder's car hit him. "And I thought my old job was rough." he grumbled. He saw the look of shock on Mulder's face and remarked, "Don't worry. I'm OK. Well, sort of. I am dead after all." Mulder shook his head and backed away. X got up and followed him. "Don't act so surprised. I could be an alien bounty hunter. Or another Jeremiah Smith. But I'm not. I am exactly who you think I am." Mulder had backed against the car and drew his weapon. "You're lying. I saw him dead, in my hallway. Scully did an autopsy." "And a damn fine job she did." X replied, totally unimpressed by Mulder's gun. "Good hands. But I suppose that's what your little adventure is all about this evening - finding out just how good those hands are." Mulder swallow hard and took a deep breath, but X could see he was shaken by the incidence. "Come on! I know about that ring in your pocket. That's why they sent me. To stop you from making a very big mistake." He approached Mulder and grabbed the gun from his hand so quickly Mulder didn't know what hit him. Mulder opened the car door to make a get away but X just shoved him in and sat next to him. "What the hell are you talking about? Who sent you? Who are you really?" Mulder demanded to know. X stared at the agent with the same cold stare Mulder remembered. "You know who I am, Agent Mulder. Don't let her logic get in the way of what you know to be true." Mulder silently shook his head in disbelief. "I was sent by 'the Great One', what you might call 'God'. For the lack of better word, I'm an angel and I'm on a mission to save your life and hers. I'm here to protect you from the one thing you have no defense against - yourself." Mulder gasped "That's crazy! You expect me to believe that you, of all people, came down from Heaven just to stop me from seducing Scully?" X just stared back. "You want more than just fun and games with her. You want to marry her." Mulder leaned against the steering wheel and covered his face with his hands. X grabbed his shoulder and pulled him upright. "Listen to me! Would you feel any better if you knew she feels the same way about you? She does, you know, only she's not stupid enough to try and change anything." Mulder tried to lunge at X but he vanished and reappeared in the backseat. "Why are you making this so difficult? I didn't choose this assignment. I had to take it." Mulder twisted around, trying to keep his eye on the elusive man. "So if you're an angel, I suppose you need to 'save' me to earn your wings." Mulder growled. "You could say that." X replied causally. "The 'wings' are just a metaphor for my own freedom. I left my life full of unfinished business, including you. I can't be free until I make amends for my past sins." Mulder took another swing at X but he vanished again and appeared outside of the car. Mulder gunned the engine and raced off, leaving behind the dark figure. Breathing a sigh of relief, Mulder began to slow down. "Listen, I'm not asking you to do this just for my sake. I'm trying to protect your future." X said calmly from the passenger seat. Mulder slammed on the brakes and tried to dive out the door but it wouldn't budge. "What the hell you want from me?" Mulder exclaimed. "Just your trust. And Hell has nothing to do with it this time." X answered. Mulder had no options left but to hear the man out. "All right, let's say you really are an angel sent to guide me. Why now? Why this time and not when my life is really in danger?" "As I said..." X said with annoyance in his voice. "...You and Agent Scully cannot protect yourselves from your own emotions and where they might lead you." "But that's the whole point." Mulder argued. "I've already missed out on years of being close to her. Being part of her life outside the X-Files. Being part of her." Mulder pouted and added, "I'm tired of wondering 'what if'." X thought for a moment and reflected on Mulder's concerns. "Is that what you think? That you made a mistake keeping your distance all these years?" Mulder nodded vigorously. X scratched his head and pondered the situation. Gazing upward, he spoke to his new boss. "Hmmm...what do you think? Will that get the point across through his thick skull?" He paused as if he was listening to the response. "Thank you. I thought it was rather clever myself." Mulder stared at X and asked, "Who are you taking to? What do you think you're doing?" "I'm giving your wish, Agent Mulder." X replied seriously. "You want to know 'what if' here was ice tea in that bag? Look around and maybe then you'll understand." X got out of the car and Mulder reached over to stop him. That's when Mulder noticed the wedding ring on his hand. Mulder took the ring off and studied it. An inscription inside read "I Believe-Dana." Mulder reached in his pocket and the ring he had just purchased was gone. He bolted out of the car on the passenger side, to chase after X but ran head long into Alex Krychek. Krychek was dressed in a dark suit with a tacky tie and he caught Mulder with his left arm as he stumbled. Krychek said with a chuckle. "Hey, slow down, partner. I said I'd be right back with dinner. What's wrong? Don't you trust me any more?" Mulder regained his balance and pushed away Krychek's supporting arm. It was a real arm. "What the hell are you trying to pull, you rat bastard!" Mulder yelled. Krychek looked hurt and handed him the bag he was carrying. Mulder snatched it and looked inside. It contained 3 take-out containers and a receipt. In a whining voice Krychek said, "Listen, I'm sorry I short changed you last time. Look...I got you some garlic chicken to make up for it." Mulder checked the bag again. There was indeed garlic chicken in one of the containers and the receipt was dated with today's date, Dec 18, 1998. He glared silently at Krychek, as if he was waiting for an explanation. Krychek sighed with exasperation. "Sure! Fine! Whatever! I said I was sorry but if you feel like you have to chew my ass out every time I make one little mistake, go ahead. But after four years of working together I figure you should cut me some slack." "Just shut up, Krychek." Mulder roared and grabbed the younger man by the throat. "Scully and I have been working together on the X-Files for the last six years. You're just a lying, traitorous murderer." "Mulder, what are you talking about?" pleaded Krychek. "Dana's your wife, not your partner. Not since they closed the X-Files just before we started working together." "What about my father?" Mulder growled. "What about him?" Krychek whined. "We saw him last week. I gave him fruitcake, for God's sake." Mulder was too enraged to argue any more and threw Krychek to the ground, then got back in the car and drove off. If he had his gun he would have shot him but X took it away. Just then X spoke from the back seat. Holding up the gun, he said calmly, "Looking for this?" Mulder stopped the car and grabbed the weapon, then pointed it at X. "What are you and Krychek trying to pull? Are you trying to drive me insane?" X shook his head. "No, Mulder, that would be redundant. Don't you get it yet? Four years ago, you let yourself fall in love with Scully and when they closed the X-Files you asked her to marry you. When she refused you went running off to Puerto Rico. She risked her life and her career to save your ass, but you finally convinced her to say yes." "That's not what happened!" Mulder shouted, shaking the gun at his 'angel'. "No, it's 'what if'." X replied. "Once you married her, she could never be your partner again. You both accepted Krychek and he hid the truth about Duane Barry from you. Scully was never abducted because she was a much better distraction as your wife then she ever was as your partner." Mulder panted while he tried to make sense of a history he never lived. X could tell by the expression on Mulder's face that he was starting to believe. "So are you ready to quit? Will you admit this whole idea of romancing Scully is ill-conceived?" Mulder snapped back, "No! You're just telling me what you want me to hear, what you want me to believe." Mulder put away his gun, knowing X could take it any time he wanted, but kept a wary eye on the strange visitor. "I need to talk to someone I can trust. Even if this is an alternate future, there's no proof that your version is what really happened." X sat back and nodded. "Suit yourself. You're free to do whatever you want but don't blame me if don't like what you find." Mulder nodded and considered asking X to leave, but decide to just ignore him instead and drove on. X leaned over and asked, "Since I'm just along for the ride, can I have some of the garlic chicken?" Mulder handed him the carton and sneered, "Don't they feed you in heaven?" "Never underestimate the pleasures of the flesh." X replied digging into the carton. Suddenly the car was hit by a strong cross wind, causing him to spill the contents of the carton. Looking upward, X growled, "I was just kidding." _______________________ Mulder knocked on the door of AD Skinner and checked his watch. 8:00 PM. < The night is still young. But I'm not going to Scully's until I figure out what's really going on.> he thought. The door flew open and Skinner asked, "Agent Mulder! What are you doing here? You're suppose to be on stake out with Agent Krychek." Mulder's open dropped open. They got to Skinner, too. "Sir, Agent Krychek is a dangerous double agent. He'd kill us both if he had half a chance." Skinner wrinkled his forehead and studied Mulder for signs of intoxication. "Is that your excuse this time? Listen carefully Agent Mulder... Agent Krychek is your partner and it appears you abandoned him. If you insist on behaving like a loose cannon and endangering the lives of others, I'll have to shut you down for good. I'd hate to do that just before Christmas." "But, Sir, what about the X-Files?" Mulder blurted out. Skinner became suddenly agitated and looked down the hall to see if anyone overheard him. He motioned to Mulder to come inside, then checked the hall again and locked the door. "That's what I'm talking about!" Skinner said through his teeth. "With your ass in a sling and your head in the clouds, you can kiss the FBI, the X-Files and your pay check good bye. You'll never get another job in law enforcement with your record. It's a miracle you've kept this one. Dana will be on maternity leave in a few months and then..." "WHAT?" Mulder broke in with a shout. "Scully can't be pregnant. It's not possible." Skinner eyed Mulder suspiciously and said in a deep rumble, "Just because she had two miscarriages, it doesn't mean she can't have children." Mulder collapsed to the floor in shock. Skinner roughly pulled him up and sat him on the couch. "What the hell is wrong with you? You know she's in her second trimester. You're acting like you didn't even know you were married to her." Mulder took deep breaths, trying to piece his world together. Skinner was still Skinner and Mulder still trusted him even if this was not the world he remembered. Choosing his words carefully, Mulder spoke slowly, "Krychek went to get some food and while he was gone... something happened to me. My memory seems a little fuzzy. That's why I came to you for help, Sir." Skinner nodded with impatient understanding. "Just settle down, Mulder. I'll call Dana and have her take you home." "No!" Mulder said quickly. "Just tell me what you remember. What happened after you closed the X-Files in 1994?" "You were reassigned to the VCS and Dana went back to teaching at Quantico. A few months later, you two got married and you started working with Krychek. Dana had her first miscarriage a short time after that." Skinner paused and looked accusingly at Mulder. "I guess you two got a head start on your honeymoon." Mulder tried to ignore his supervisor's hard stare and concentrate on the story he told. "Her abduction." Mulder mumbled to himself. "The time line coincides with her abduction." Skinner was about to what he was talking about when Mulder asked, "Her second pregnancy and miscarriage occurred two years later...Right?" < When she had cancer. > Skinner nodded. "Actually, it was a still birth. Are you starting to remember?" Mulder nodded slightly. "I think so. The X-files...when were they re-opened?" "About six months ago when Agent Fowley returned to the U.S." Skinner's expression turned sour again. "I had been forwarding cases to you that should have been X-Files. When Agent Fowley and you petitioned to formally re-open the X-Files we had enough of a case load to warrant it, and you split your duties between the X-Files and the VCS." Mulder became concern by the anger he saw in Skinner's eyes. "What happened then, Sir. Why am I off the X-Files again?" Skinner exploded. "Damn it, Mulder! You know why! If you're trying to get me to patch things up with Dana, pretending you don't remember, you can forget it. I hope she never forgives you." "For God's sake, what did I do?" Mulder asked, dreading the answer. Skinner growled through gritted teeth and said, "You and Agent Fowley were engaged in 'unprofessional conduct.' It damn near killed Dana once she found out. I would have kicked you both out of the FBI but the powers that be wanted the whole thing kept quiet. Why Dana agreed I'll never understand." Mulder was beside himself. "I love Scully. Why would I do such a thing?" "Because you're a self center bastard who blames everyone else for the problems he creates. You're a failure as an agent, as a husband and as a man." Skinner yelled. "I tried for years to help you because I believed in what you were trying to do and you failed me, too. But I promised Dana I'd do what I could for you, so get the hell out of here and back to your post before I kick the living shit out of you." Mulder took the threat serious and left without about word. He stumbled back to his car in a daze. X waited for him to arrive and opened the door so he could sit down. "Do you believe me now?" Mulder flopped over the steering wheel, practically in tears. "It doesn't make any sense. Just because we got married, I lost my focus and became a soulless bastard?" "It wasn't accident." X explained. "My previous employers engineered her abortions -that's right...abortions. They manipulated you through her just as they did in your reality. Only now, neither you nor her realized you were being manipulated, so you blamed each other instead. You lost your edge - Scully's faith. You grew more distant instead of closer. You've had several affairs, including my successor, Miss Covarrubias, and Scully's looked away each time, hoping you'd change. The further away from her you drifted, the more you lost sight of your 'quest'. Now you're no use to anyone and they've already got their claws into Skinner and Fowley to be the next suckers." Mulder began to sob. "No! It can't be true. I really love Scully. How could expressing that love ruin her life and destroy her faith?" "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me." X confessed. "You have to ask someone who cares about you... and her." Mulder nodded wearily. Skinner was out of the question. That left just the Lone Gunmen who knew them both and understood their closeness. Mulder signaled X to get in the car and continued on his search for answers to the question 'what if'. CONTINUED From: Susan Shinkai Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: New:What If It's a Wonderful Life? (2/2) (CR,PG) When Mulder arrived, the Lone Gunmen treated him rather coolly. "It's been a while, Mulder. What do you want?" Byers asked, flatly. "Is Scully all right?" Frohike chimed in. When Mulder nodded, his old friend turned hostile. "Then get out of here, you lousy cheating punk-ass!" Mulder held his hands up trying to settle Frohike down when Langly added, "Yeah, Mulder. It's bad enough what you did to Scully but your escapades are giving us a bad name. Our sources are drying up and funds are dropping off. We had to start another business just to stay afloat. Tell him what were doing with the bulk of our time thanks to him." Byers flipped Mulder a business card. It read "The Lone Guardian Home Security and Surveillance Systems -Specializing in in-home monitoring and communication networks. Confidentially assured." "We're narcs!" Frohike snarled. "It's my own worst nightmare." "But at least we're still trying to expose the truth." Byers said bitterly. Mulder shook his head and said, "Listen, guys. I'm sorry that The Lone Gunmen are not what they used to be but I need to understand what happened between Scully and me that turned me into such a jerk." "You were there, Mulder. You figure it out." Langly said with disgust. Byers started to close the door in Mulder's face but Mulder grabbed it and forced his way in. "No, I wasn't there. That the whole point." Frohike whipped out a stun gun as the other two dropped back. Mulder spoke more softly trying to calm things down. "This world is not real to me. I came from another time line were Scully and I never fell in love and never got married. But I need to know what went wrong in this time line." "Prove it!" Frohike challenged. "I can't prove it." Mulder admitted. "I just know... I have to believe it's the only explanation of why I'm here. Otherwise I have to accept that I did all these horrible things then blanked it from my mind. I just want the truth so I can avoid making the same mistake again." Byers stepped forward and push down the stun gun. "That's the Mulder we knew and trusted." Mulder let out a sigh of relief and sat down at the work bench. He listened as Byers began the story. "At first, everything was great. When you found out she was pregnant, you were ecstatic. But then she started having problems with the pregnancy. Despite your protests, she insisted on working to allow you access to the FBI labs for your 'unofficial' cases. When she lost the baby, you blamed her for overworking. It took a while but you finally calmed down and after that you asked for her help less and less. You relied on us and your partner, Krychek." "I've never trusted that boot-licker." Frohike grumbled. Byers agreed and continued his tale. "Neither did Scully. When she warned you to watch him, you took it badly, accusing her of trying to sabotage the marriage by forcing her to return to the X-Files. So she told us about her concerns and we forbade Krychek to come to our office. You really blew up and stopped consulting us. You bad-mouthed us when ever you got the chance, totally embarrassed us and yourself with your behavior. People who had followed your work lost respect for you and your contacts disappeared into the wood work." Langly joined in. "Yeah and all along that Krychek's been feeding you poison, making you believe the answers are just in your reach but that your own incompetence is stopping you. You seemed to be regaining your confidence when Scully was pregnant again. But when the kid died in child birth you went crazy. You blamed yourself and Scully let you. I think she found out about your affair with that UN lady." Mulder jumped out of his seat. "I don't get it! Why would I have an affair? Didn't I still love Scully?" Frohike sighed, "Of course you did. But sex was never about loving some one, at least not to you." Mulder grew more tense and he tried to defend the past he never knew. "I'm not a sex addict or some kind of pervert. Why would that change once I married Scully?" Byers shrugged. "I can't answer that. We suspect she was...umm... overwhelmed by you appetite, especially since she was no longer allowed to share the passion of your work. All the women you sought extra-martially were suspects, victims or colleagues. You either went to work feeling sexually unsatisfied or you simply wanted her so desperately with you while you worked that you used these other woman as surrogate Scully's." Mulder dropped back to his seat. It made sense. It sounded logical. And it hurt like hell. "Look, I'm sorry for turning against you. Krychek is a back-stabbing rat bastard son-of-a-bitch. He killed my father." "Your father!" Byers said with surprise. He turned to his cohorts and asked, "Under the circumstances, I think we should tell him." The other two Gunmen nodded. "Mulder, your father is alive." Mulder stared numbly at him. "But he's probably not the man you remember. From the evidence we've gathered, he's is a contact for Krychek." Mulder dashed to the door, shaking his head and mumbling, "No, this can't be happening." He tore into his car and sped out of the parking lot, not even bothering to look at X. "Did they tell you about your father?" X asked. Mulder said nothing but drove recklessly towards the freeway. "It's true. Krychek knew when you received the MJ files that your father's name was in them. So he and his cigarette smoking friend approached him with an offer. Come back to work on 'the project' and his son would never have to know of his involvement. If he refused, both father and son would be dead. I'll give your father credit. He was almost ready to defy them until they threw in the bonus of seeing Samantha. He was hooked all over again. William Mulder is alive and well and working for them, tracking newspaper articles, science fiction, and tabloids hunting down unauthorized information leaks. You and your partner visit him several times a months and he passes the information to Krychek." Mulder kept driving northward. X handed Mulder the cell phone. "Call him. Ask him if he's heard from Krychek." Mulder reluctantly took the phone and made the call. "Dad? It's Fox." "Are you OK, son?" said the tired voice. "Alex called and said you were acting a little strange." Mulder steeled himself to face another horrible truth. "It's Alex. He's acting strange and I was afraid to tell him where I was going." "Fox, listen to me." his father said urgently. "Alex is with you to protect you. You have to trust him. He has to know what your doing or he won't be able to help you." "I can get by without his help." Mulder answered seriously, then asked, "Dad, the work you did with the State Department... I know you thought it was important but it took you away from me and Mom. Was it worth it?" His father hesitated then answered, "Yes, in as much as I did for you and your future. We're all part of a bigger scheme of things and certain things are just meant to be. We can't escape fate." Mulder pressed him further. "So if you were offered the job again would you take it knowing it might end your marriage?" "Trouble with Dana?" his father asked. "I can't offer you any advice but I do know if they came to today with an offer, I'd take it if I knew it would protect you... and your sister. My own happiness is inconsequential and your mother just had to learn to understand." < A lie hid within the truth was the most convincing of all. > Mulder swallowed hard and said, "You're smoking again, aren't you? I'll bring you some cigarettes on the next trip. What brand is it? Morley's?" "Son, I.... Thank you. I'll look forward to seeing you." the old man said sorrowfully and hung up. Mulder turned off the phone and stared at the dark road ahead. "Where do I live?" X looked pitifully on his charge and said, "You believe me now, don't you? You know what you have to do. Why stay here any longer and torture yourself?" "I have to see her." Mulder said plainly. "It's all about her." "No, Mulder. It's all about you and your search for the truth." X said with sincere respect. "You inspire people to believe that a better world is possible. That truth and honor still have meaning. You touch the lives of so many people and bring them to a higher purpose. People like your father, Skinner, the Lone Gunmen, me and thousands of people who's names and face you'll never know, but that share your convictions. It may not be perfect, but it's an extraordinary life." "Yeah, but I didn't ask for all that." Mulder whined. "I just want to love Scully. How can it be so wrong to want to share our lives as husband and wife?" X looked squarely at Mulder and said, "You can love Scully all you want, as long as you want. But you're married to your work, promised to your quest. She understands but even she can't foresee that how dependent you are on that search to fulfill your life. By separating her from that quest, you create a rift in you life that swallows your very soul." Mulder pulled over and began to cry, emotionally exhausted from the night's revelations. X patted Mulder on the back. "There is hope for you. But you have to grow up first. It won't come to you suddenly when you're alone or in pain. The time will be right when you accept who and what you are. When you want answers but you don't need them to survive. When you fight injustice knowing the world is ultimately unfair. First she must become a part of your life, not just a your life's work. Only then will Scully realizes that you would love her even if she was just a doctor or a waitress or just another lost soul, and that she would love you no matter what dream you chased." Mulder bit his lower lip, trying to bring his emotions under control. "She's pregnant again. That can never happen in my time. I have to see her, just once." "You need to go back now." X warned. "Seeing her won't bring you any piece of mind." "I need to tell her I'm sorry for all the pain I caused her and that I still love her. I want to touch her intimately, just once before I go back and wait a life time for another chance." Mulder pleaded. "I wanted to avoid telling you this but you leave me no option." For the first time, X's face showed an expression of pity. "She's finally given up on you. The child she bears is not yours." Mulder became stoned faced and sullen. "Skinner?" X nodded. Without flinching, Mulder began looking for his wallet. "Where do I live?" he mumbled. "You're not serious." X said incredulously. "If you go, you go alone. I can't help you." Finding the wallet and noting that the address was Scully's apartment, Mulder started the car again. "I owe it to her for taking away her life. I've always thought it was the X-Files that brought her so much suffering. Now I've discovered, it was just me all along." ______________________________ Mulder arrived and walked in cautiously. It was exactly as he remembered her place. < She must spend hours cleaning up after me. > Before he had a chance to take in the whole apartment, Scully came running out from the bedroom. "Fox!" Scully cried as she threw her arms around him. "I was worried about you. Krychek called and said you were acting strangely and left him stranded in the middle of no where." Kissing him softly on the cheek she whispered, "Are you all right?" He forgot himself in her tender embrace and gasped, "You do love me, don't you? You do still care about me and my work." Years of pent-up frustration unleashed itself as he returned her kiss passionately, practically throwing himself against her. He felt her resist slightly so he pressed harder, pushing her down to the couch, becoming more aroused at the thought of her surrender. "Please, Fox...don't." she whimpered but seemed powerless to stop him. "I do love you but I can't..." Mulder's mind could no longer comprehend her words as his hands ran over her body in a way he'd only dreamed of before. He knew every surface and every curve as if he had studied her for years but if the first time he could touch and taste her for his own pleasure. He panted with anticipation and moaned, "Scully, you're all I ever wanted. I need you to believe..." Scully drew a sharp breath and regain control. He never called her 'Scully' while they made love, not since they got married and he insisted she call him 'Fox'. She pushed him back slightly and focused on him with a curious stare. "Mulder?" Hearing her voice saying his name, in the same way she had for years, he remembered why he was there. He finally realized that X was right and that until he learned to love her as a woman, and not just his partner, any relationship would be doomed from the start. He kissed her softly one last time then pulled her up until they were sitting side by side. Holding her trembling hand in his, he said, "I've been so unfair to you over the last four years. I'm sorry." "Fox...Mulder, what's happened to you?" she asked, full of concern. "Don't misunderstand me. I appreciate your honesty but it came from out of the blue." Suddenly her face turned pale. "On my God! You know about the baby." Mulder gently hugged her and whispered, "It's all right. You don't have to explain. You deserve your own life and if I won't let you have it, you need to be with someone better." "You used to be someone better, before I left the X-Files." Scully sighed. "I want the Mulder I fell in love with. I want the man who passionately believed in extreme possibilities." He pressed his forehead against hers and said softly, "You deserve even better than that. Wait for the man who passionately believes in YOU. Someday I'll be that man. Trust me." Scully began to cry but tried to remain under control. "Mulder, I wish I could trust you. I tried over and over. I kept giving you another chance, hoping you'd change. Instead, I've changed and I don't deserve your kindness or forgiveness." Scully moved away from him and her face reflected the conflict within her. "I still love you but I committed adultery through my own weakness and self-pity. Even I can't believe in myself anymore." Suddenly, she ran away unable to contain her grief any longer. Mulder felt his heart shatter in his chest as he witnessed his carelessness crush Scully's spirit and destroy her life. Looking frantically for X, Mulder cried, "Take me back, now! Before it's too late." As much as he wanted to comfort Scully, he knew she would only know peace if he returned to his own reality. Suddenly the door flew open and Skinner was standing there. He heard Scully crying in the kitchen then grabbed Mulder and growled, "Leave her alone, you son of a bitch. How many ways can you ruin her life?" He slammed Mulder hard against the door frame, splitting his lip and drawing blood. Scully rushed in to tend to Mulder's wound. "Don't hurt him!" she scolded Skinner. Skinner propped the stunned Mulder against the wall and turned to Scully. "Why do you keep protecting him? Just give me the word, and he won't ever harm you again." Just then Krychek arrived with two men - another agent, Jeffery Spender, and Assistant Director Kersk. Kersk spoke directly to Skinner. "We're here to place Agent Mulder under arrest for treason. Following the incident with the X-Files, Agent Spender has been working with the OPC to monitor Mulder's activities and has uncovered damning evidence related to his infiltration of military installation." Skinner nodded and turned Mulder around, preparing to cuff him. Scully tried to stop Skinner as she insisted, "There has to be some kind of mistake. Fox would never..." "Dana," Krychek said coldly, "Be careful what you say. Being so close to Fox, you and I are also under investigation." Scully glared hard at him but remained silent. "Don't listen to any of them!" Mulder shouted. "It's a conspiracy to hide the truth about the government's lies." Skinner rammed him hard into the wall, smearing his blood across the paint. Kersk signaled Skinner to stop. "Mr. Skinner, I assume you're here on a private matter." Skinner nodded, holding Mulder by the collar like a rag doll. "Then you'd better let me make the arrest or they'll slap us with excessive force." Releasing Mulder, Skinner snarled. "He's all yours." Scully held on to Mulder, supporting him as he regained his senses. "I can't let it end like this." she whispered as she pressed his handkerchief against his oozing lip. Mulder winced with pain as he saw Kersh approaching with handcuffs and Spender standing ready with a gun. He prayed Scully would trust him one last time and whispered back, "Just keep Skinner out of the away." She gazed into his eyes sadly, gave a subtle nod and whispered, "I believe..." Suddenly, Mulder lunged at Kersh, knocking him back into Spender and Krychek. Scully blocked Skinner path, preventing him from grabbing Mulder before he could make his escape into the hall. Mulder made a dash for the car, hoping X would be there to send him back to where he belonged. Mulder jumped into the car but there was no one there. Kersh, Spender and Krychek came running after him. Mulder quickly gunned the engine and sped away. He turned the corner, hoping to confuse them by circling back. As he came around to the front of the building, he saw a figure run out in front of him. To his horror he realized it was Scully but couldn't stop in time. He heard a sickening thump as she disappeared from view and the car came to a halt. Mulder jumped out and came face to face with AD Skinner. "Get the hell out of my way! She's hurt!" Mulder roared, frantically trying to get past him. Skinner reacted by grabbing him and holding him in a half-nelson. "Mulder, will you calm down!" "You can finish smashing my skull in later but Scully needs help now." Mulder pleaded helplessly. Skinner dragged Mulder to the front of the car and kicked the full sized Santa Claus figure crushed under the front tire. "Is this the Scully you're talking about?" Skinner sneered, then let loose his hold on Mulder. "Watch it or I'll take you up on that offer to smash your skull in." Mulder stared at the mashed Santa. He checked his lip and it wasn't bleeding. Looking blankly at Skinner, he asked, "You're not trying to arrest me?" "No but I should consider it." Skinner grumped, then explained, "Scully thought you could use a little holiday cheer so she asked us to check up on you but you weren't home." "Us?" Mulder asked, bewildered. Frohike came from behind, tapped Mulder on the shoulder and said, "We've got to stop meeting like this." Skinner nodded to the Lone Gunman and said, "I'll let the others know we found him." then pulled out his cell phone. Mulder quickly realized he was back where he belonged... almost. "Don't bother. I appreciate the thought but I have other plans for the evening." Reaching in his pocket he pulled out the jewelry box and clinched it in his fist. "What's that?" Frohike asked with great curiosity. "A mistake. A very big mistake." Mulder replied. Skinner chuckled. "So what else is new?" He and Frohike helped rescue the flattened Santa figure then said good night to Mulder. Mulder returned the ring to the jeweler and reclaimed his life savings, then re-invested part of it into what he hoped would open new possibilities with his partner. ___________________ Scully heard the knock at the door and knew it was Mulder without even looking. She opened the door and smiled. "Why am I not surprised?" she sighed as she ushered in her partner. She crossed her arms and regarded Mulder with some amusement. "I guess if you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself. Even if does mess up my weekend." Mulder was carrying a large grocery sack and grinned wildly at her. "Thanks for the Yuletide Search and Rescue but when you said think warm thoughts, all I could think about was you... and your big fireplace and your espresso machine and your convection microwave." He plopped down in front of the fireplace and pulled out a Presto-Log from the bag. "My landlord really hates it when I light these things in my apartment. Probably because I don't have a fireplace." He lit the log and warmed his hands over the flame then settled onto the sofa. Scully sat on the sofa besides him and peered into the bag. "Did you bring anything really useful, like food?" Mulder pushed her back and reached in the bag. He pulled out a large covered jar. "I suppose if you like sushi..." Scully broke in a wide smile. "You brought your fish?" Mulder removed the lid and placed the jar on the mantle. "You said you felt sorry for them. I thought they could use a night out for a change." "Funny... I thought the same thing about you." Scully said as she studied the fish who seemed happy in their temporary home. "I just didn't expect you to think of my place as 'out'." Next, Mulder handed her a hastily wrapped gift. "It's not really a Christmas present. Just a thank you for running down that analysis for me. And just because." She raised an eyebrow with surprise at his unexpected gift. As she gingerly tore at the wrapped, he blurted out, "It's just a video that's kind of appropriate for the season." Scully looked at him straight faced and shook the package. "Let's see... 'Santa Claus Defeats the Aliens' or 'Nightmare Before Christmas'?" Mulder just shrugged and motioned for her to open the gift. It was Frank Capra's classic 'It's a Wonderful Life'. Scully stared at the box and opened it to make sure it wasn't a gag. "You're kidding?" Mulder shook his head and pulled out two packets of microwave popcorn and a box of instant hot spiced cider. He tossed one of the popcorns at her and said, "I'd kind of like to watch it if you don't mind." Scully shrugged and slid the tape into the video player. Heading to the kitchen, she commented, "Mulder, you never cease to amaze me. What brought on this sudden wave of holiday spirit?" Mulder punched at the remote control and answered casually. "Come on, Scully, see for yourself. It's got life-after-death, altered states of consciousness, warps in the time-space continuum. If you ask me, 'it's a wonderful X-File'." He paused then asked nervously, "Scully, what if WE never met? If you never came to work on the X-Files?" Scully returned and gave Mulder a friendly hug. "Then I would have never believed in the power of faith. Despite my religious training, I'd never been touched by absolute devotion until you showed it to me." She broke into a gentle smile. "And I would have never experienced a night like tonight. Thank you, Mulder, really. What ever you're reasons, I'm glad you decided to spend your night out with me." Mulder sighed heavily as he hugged her back. < All my flirting and teasing has never fooled her. > he thought to himself as he enjoyed her warmth. < She knows what I feel for her. But she also knows we're not ready for anything more. And she gives me all the love I need with her caring and her dedication and her trust. And there are still infinite possibilities for the future. > Just then the microwave sounded with a chime to let them know the popcorn was done. Scully smiled mischievously and commented as she headed to the kitchen, "According to legend, and this movie, every time a bell rings, an angel earns his wings." Mulder rose to look out window at the stars. He fogged the glass with his breath and drew an 'X' on it then smiled to himself. "Angels earning wings is just a metaphor for gaining personal freedom as a reward for self sacrifice to a higher purpose. You know, freedom rings, bells of liberty." He rambled on as he sat back down and stretched out on the sofa. Scully returned with the popcorn and settled in on the other end of the sofa. "Mulder, why can't you just accept a legend as a story, or see a movie without trying to separate fact from fiction. Why can't you just enjoy life?" Mulder moved closer to her and grabbed a handful of popcorn. Trying to sound relaxed, despite the sheer pleasure of just being with her, he replied, "That's what I'm trying to learn. Through the X-Files and working with you. Once we stop asking 'what if' and start saying 'we will', then it truly becomes a wonderful life." His hand reached for the popcorn again but came to rest on her hand, where it remained as they watched the movie. After the movie ended and the fire died down, Mulder prepared to leave. Scully said good night to him at the door. "It was a strange evening, Mulder but I enjoyed it. And so did your fish. We'll do it again some time." She smiled sweetly, relaxed and confident of her place in his life as a comrade and friend. Mulder wanted to kiss her good night but knew the time wasn't right... yet. Maybe someday it would happen as naturally as breathing. But for now he brushed her hair back from her forehead and said, "I may not have the wealth of friends that George Bailey had, but the one true friend I do have is the gold standard that everyone else pales in comparison to. That makes me the richest man in town." END _____________________________________ _____________________________________ Just another harmless jaunt into the mind of Fox Mulder. A dream? Maybe. After all 'life is but a dream'. But if I were Mulder, after that incident in the Bermuda Triangle, I would keep my mouth shut about alternative worlds unless I come back with souvenirs. Questions, comments and flames can be directed at shinkai@mlode.com or you can invade my no-frills web site at http://www.mlode.com/~shinkai/fanfic/xffanfic.htm STORY NOTES: -I didn't follow "It's a Wonderful Life" as closely as I usually do in my crossover stories, because the intent of the story was so radically different from the original. -A subtle point that I chose no to wave in your face (until now) -- The tragedy of Mulder's real life can't be avoid in the alternate world . Scully suffers abortions instead of abduction and cancer. Bill Mulder survives as a man, but 'dies' in Mulder's eyes none the less. -I considered having Mrs. Scully and Melissa as victims of seemly random violence in the 'what if' universe. Their mysterious deaths could be engineered to keep Scully and Mulder at odds indefinitely. -Another subtle point. The married Scully calls her husband 'Fox' but in her heart she loves 'Mulder', her old partner not her lover. -I tried to keep the concepts of God and Heaven at the most basic levels, except for some poetic license to allow him to 'talk' to 'his new boss'. -I could have set this story on New Years Eve instead of before Christmas, and I might to a rewrite after the "Ghosts" episodes airs.