This is my first pure-humor fan-fic, so please bear with me.  Another
one goes out to the LabMice :)

Waiting on Processing
by Alexandra Nigro

Rating: G
Catagory: Humor
Synopsis:  Post "Tempus Fugit".  Two angels from the Heavenly
Administration mediate the fate of a Federal Agent.


	Edward was not enjoying his week.  It was true that the holidays were
over and the suicide rate had dropped significantly in the Mid-Atlantic
region, but the first burgeoning notes of spring always meant the same
thing in the Heavenly Administration.

	Trainee Month.

	Edward looked at his bewildered companion and sighed.  They didn't make
angels like they used to.  In his day, a new soul would have to wait a
millenia or more before taking a permanent position in the bureaucracy
of the afterlife.  But nowadays it seemed like less and less souls were
passing the entrance exam at the Pearly Gates.  A newly winged soul
could acheive a position as a guardian or a companion in less than a
decade.  Staffing problems, the seraphim said.

	Mortimer was a typical example of the new breed of angel.  All these
expectation of wings and harps and fluffy white clouds.  Well, it might
be like that for most souls at Eternal Peace, but the angels selected to
deal with mortal on the Temperal Plane were subject to all the
unpleasantries of human existence.

	"Is it always like this?" whined Mortimer.

	"It's a little after 1am.  The bars are closing.  You should expect our
workload to increase proportionately once people hit the streets."

	"But we're angels.  We should be able to prevent things like this." 
Mortimer gestured at a passing ambulence as its siren scream faded into
the night.

	"Only guardian angels.  And only in certain circumstances."  Edward
stared at his trainee peevishly.  "Didn't you read the orientation
manual?"

	Mortimer had the grace to look sheepish.  "Elvis concert."

	Definitely new on the job.  No sense of work ethic.  "No matter, looks
like your training will have to be on the job.  That ambulence will lead
us to our next appointment."

	They arrived at the Washington pub in the beat of a single wing, Edward
already peering at the screen of his laptop.  "First off.  Confirm the
identity of the soul."  He scoweled at Mortimer.  "I'm not going to do
everything for you, you know."

	Mortimer booted up his terminal.  "O.K. The guy on the gurney?"

	"A little common sense helps."

	The younger angel ignored him.  "Thirty-four year-old male, gunshot
wound.  To die in route to hospital from internal bleeding.  How sad."

	"Even sadder if he had an incompetant angel to lead him past his pain. 
Quickly, press "control S" and release his soul from his body."  Edward
looked over the young man being lifted into the ambulence by the EMT and
an exhausted looking redhead.  It was sad really, such a waste.  He
almost didn't catch the warning flash on his screen until it was too
late.  "WAIT!"  He grabbed Mortimer before the angel could type in the
fatal command.  "Always, ALWAYS read the footnotes."

	"What does 'Special Circumstances' mean?"

	Edward grumbled and tapped in a few commands.  The EMT's were already
shutting the doors to the ambulence.  "Hmmm.  I don't see this one
often.  It appears the Big Guy himself is involved.  He doesn't want to
make the decision until the last minute.  Typical upper echelon - always
messing up Standard Proceedure."

	"Is it true that He makes it up as He goes along?"

	Edward arched an eyebrow and rearranged his halo.  "You didn't hear it
from me."  He scrolled down the page.  "Here's the problem.  That
woman...."

	"Which woman?"

	"Don't interrupt.  That redhead in the ambulence.  I've seen her file
before, she's marked by Fate.  Messes up everything in her path.  When
one of those is concerned, you never know what's going to happen. 
Apparently this man was scheduled to become her guardian angel."

	Mortimer looked positively mortified.  "You mean she doesn't have one
already?!"

	"She's had six in the past four years.  The last one evaporated from
stress.  We're still looking for him in the system.  I've heard we might
have to rotate her protection in shifts."

	"A-mazing."

	"You don't know the half of it, son.  You think being a companion is
rough?  You should read her file - you won't believe what happens to
this woman in bathrooms."

	Mortimer clapped his hands in delight.  "This is perfect!   It says
here that he's in love with her!"

	"Don't get your hopes up.  I doubt it's Fated.  If it's that important
to you, though, you can put in a request to Cloud 9."

	"So what do we do for now?"

	"I'd say we head back Up.  The Big Guy likes to take his time."

	Mortimer dutifully followed his teacher up through the clouds.  They
floated unimpeaded for awhile until Edward pratically stumbled across a
lone guardian angel, pinfeathers ripped from his wings and moaning
inconsolably.

	Edward lept to his side.  "My brother!  What ails you so?"

	The forlorn angel looked up and spluttered, "But he doesn't know HOW to
scuba dive!"

THE END
-- 
**Alexandra Nigro**

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