Summary: A Christmas story. Scully finds out she has had a wonderful life with the help of an angel named Rose. Spoilers: Obscure references to first season. Classification : X-file, A, maybe V, good friendship Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the television program "The X-Files" are the creations and property of Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting, and Ten Thirteen Productions, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringements are intended. This work is not to be forwarded or distributed to any newsgroup, FTP, or WWW site without the permission of the author. I do give permission for it to be put on atxc. ****************************** THE ANGEL AND THE ROSE 1/1 By Patty Hayes December 21, 1996 ********** "I'm all right Mom, I just need a little time alone to rest. You don't mind do you?" Dana Scully felt guilty. This would be the first Christmas without Missy and the second without her father. She knew her mother needed the family around during the holidays the most, but she was so tired. This hadn't been her year. She'd been putting in too many hours and the stress was getting to her. She scheduled to take off the days between Christmas Eve and the following Sunday. The six day holiday would give her time to re- energize, to feel better about things. The past several cases had been lying heavily on her shoulders, she needed to shake them. Get past them. Mulder hadn't helped any. He was always so absorbed in these cases, he had such a hard time understanding her point of view. At times, it seemed he almost ignored her and other times he needed her too much. She felt that she had to 'mother' him too often. "I understand, baby. You know you can come on over for dinner if you change your mind. I just hate for you to be alone on Christmas." Margaret Scully felt for her daughter. She would miss her but she knew Dana needed the time. She didn't at all sound like herself. "I know, Mom, but it's what I really need right now." She looked up as Mulder walked in. 'Why doesn't he ever knock.' "I'll drop off my gifts this afternoon and then give you a call on Wednesday morning and say hello to everyone. I love you. Bye bye." When she hung up the phone Scully glanced briefly at Mulder and said hello, she didn't want to get into a discussion about her call with him. She only had to get through the next day and a half and the holiday would be hers. "Hi, Scully. Anything I should know about?" He wondered why she was avoiding looking at him. She seemed depressed. It wasn't like her. Scully was the one who usually pulled him back up. "No, just a personal call. What's up?" She wanted to keep it short and sweet. Mulder studied her. She was typing on her computer, probably catching up on some files. They had no case at the moment. He shook his head. "Nothing. Just thought you might want some help." He sat down across from her. When she didn't respond he asked, "You Ok, Scully?" His brow furrowed. When she looked up, she had tears in her eyes. She didn't want to do this now. She stared at him, trying to remain calm. Scully didn't know what was wrong with her. She just wanted to get away from there. Suddenly she smiled. Not a wide, eye crinkling smile, just a slight turn of the mouth. "I'm just tired, Mulder. I need this time off. It's nothing." "Why don't you let me finish these, you can take tomorrow off too. Maybe you'll feel like seeing your family on Wednesday." Mulder felt bad, he knew these cases were getting to her. He also knew he hadn't been the best of partners lately. It surprised her. Mulder was usually the first to try to joke his way around her. She was touched that he took this seriously. "Really? You don't mind?" He reached across the desk to lightly brush her cheek but pulled back when she flinched just the slightest. "Of course I don't. You've been working too hard, you deserve a rest." Something else was bothering her, it startled him. He'd always thought of Scully as his rock, the stable one of the two. "You want to do something together maybe on Saturday or Sunday?" 'Why did I pull back? Now he's going to worry.' She scolded herself. "I appreciate it, but I can't, not this time. Maybe next week." She reached over and placed her hand on his and patted. "Thanks, Mulder." Her smile was still forced but a little brighter this time. He returned her smile and nodded. Worry still on his face. He stood to leave. "Scully?" She looked up at him. "You know you can tell me anything, don't you? I mean, if you ever need to just talk, I'm always here. Ok?" His eyes were filled with concern. "I'm really fine, Mulder, I just need a break. I'm Ok. Thanks though." She tried her best to look like nothing was wrong. Mulder stood outside the door for a minute before he went back to his office. He remembered the look on her face, the sad, tired, depressed expression. He'd seen her angry, frustrated and even distressed a few of times. The Pfaster case came to mind. She seemed frightened then, but this time it was something new, different. It disturbed him. He was at a lost as to what to do. The holidays were never special to him, in fact they were a bad time for him. He would usually spend them alone, obsessing over his losses. Recalling the good times before the horror began. He had dreaded the holidays. Until Scully came along. Then he began to look forward to her cheeriness, the time spent with her and her family. They had been the best times he'd spent since he was a little boy. She always made it a point to include him in her plans. Now she was in trouble and he didn't know what to do. He heard her sigh and remembered the tears in her eyes just a moment ago. It hurt to know she was troubled and couldn't help. Scully fought back the tears as Mulder closed the door behind him. It was the last thing she wanted to do, cry in front of him. She was able to hold it together until he was out the door. 'God, what is wrong with me?' She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She felt herself sway slightly and opened her eyes again. She had to get out, she just couldn't take it today. Next week would be better. 'Won't it?' She went to bed early on Monday and cried herself to sleep. Scully awoke on Tuesday morning, Christmas Eve, feeling poorly. She stayed in bed till noon, then made herself a cup of hot soup. She had to shake this off. She had to figure out what was bothering her. Was it due to the season or the holidays without her sister and father? Was it due to the fact she was alone? The phone rang several times, all from Mulder. She let the machine answer it. She knew she'd have to talk to him sooner or later, it would have to be later. He was worried, but he would leave her alone until she was ready. She spent the day moping around the house. She called her mother in the evening and tried to sound as cheerful as possible. Told her she loved her and she would call again in the morning. Then she called Mulder. "Hi, Mulder, it's me." "Scully! How are you? I've been trying to reach you all day." "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I just didn't feel good, been in bed all day. I didn't mean to make you worry." "No, it's all right. I'm sorry you're not doing well. Is there anything I can do? Do you want talk about it?" He sounded so pitiful. She knew he wanted to help so badly, but there was nothing he could do. "It's nothing, really. I just need the rest. I wanted to tell you Merry Christmas. Mom said you're welcome at her place if you're up to it. She doesn't want you to be alone tomorrow." "Are you going to be there, Scully?" "I don't think so, but don't let that stop you. Listen, I better go. Have a good holiday, Mulder. I'll see you next week." She hung up the phone before he barely said good bye. Scully lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. The Christmas lights outside her window from the neighbors blinked on and off, making patterns on her ceiling. The television was on, It's a Wonderful Life, fitting. Some life. As she fell asleep she wondered what life would be like if she had never been born. She thought she could hear Silver Bells playing in the back ground. ********** Scully awoke with a start. Someone was standing at the end of her bed. She instinctively reached for her gun, but it wasn't there. "Who are you? What do you want?" "It's not what I want, Dana, it's what you want." "What do you mean?" She watched the woman move to sit in the chair next to the window. She was a small woman, thin, about the same build as herself, with long brown hair. She seemed to be the same age as Scully. She was dressed in a simple print dress, long past her knees. She seemed harmless enough. "What you want, Dana. To know what life would be like if you had never been born." Scully closed her eyes. "Oh God, I'm dreaming." She said aloud and fell back onto the bed. The woman waited for a moment and smiled as Scully opened her eyes again. "No, Dana, you're not dreaming. My name is Rose. I'm here to help you." Scully was nervously looking around the room for her weapon. She didn't know how this nut got into her apartment, she didn't look dangerous, but she didn't want to take any chances. "It's not there, Dana." "What's not there?" "Your gun. You were never born, how could you have a gun?" "If I was never born, what am I doing here in my apartment?" "Are you?" Suddenly, she and Rose were standing in the living room of her mother's home. Scully was dressed in a maroon business suit, similar to what she wore a few days ago at work. She saw her mother sitting, facing the fireplace, reading a book. "Mom?" "She can't hear you. No one can see or hear you, Dana." "What's going on?" Rose had been patient, she'd been quiet up until now, but it was time to tell Dana. "Dana, you've been dissatisfied with your life recently. You've been distressed. You feel that your life hasn't had any meaning. All the good things you've accomplished in your life through now has never been realized. We feel you need to understand what you've accomplished, your successes, what you mean to the people in your life." "And just who is 'we'? This has got to be some joke." Scully was beginning to feel frustrated. This was unreal, she had to be dreaming. Rose smiled. "You'll find out soon enough, Dana. Look around you, this is your mother's home." "Where is everyone? She was supposed to have a houseful this Christmas." Scully looked around. It was quiet and peaceful. Her mother was alone. "Your brothers couldn't make it to Washington this year. They sent their love. They invited your mother to come to them, but she declined. She wasn't feeling up to it. They don't get to see her often, she's been alone for some time now. Losing her husband and then her daughter so soon after had a drastic effect on her life." "Her daughter? Where's Missy? If I was never born, she'd be alive today." Scully asked softly. She always blamed herself for Melissa's murder. "Your sister died last year, Dana." Scully looked up in surprise. "Nothing happens without a reason, Dana. It was her time to go. She died in a car accident. You had nothing to do with her leaving this world, Dana. It wasn't your fault." Scully had tears running down her face. She truly would've given her life for Melissa's. Life had been so unfair. Then she sat down next to her mother. Margaret continued to read, undisturbed by her daughter's 'presence'. Her mother looked so old, so tired. It was as if she was ready to give up. To join her husband and her daughter. Scully began to cry harder. "Mom? I'm sorry Mom." She put her head in her hands. Then she became angry. She stood abruptly. "My mother's not like this! She's a fighter. She loves life!" "But she learned that from you, Dana. You were the fighter. You had a big influence on how your mother developed as her own person. She was proud of you, your independence, your intuitiveness. Without you, she lost that. She had no example." "Go away! Just go away, I don't want to do this anymore, I want to wake up now." She'd had enough. Her mind was playing awful tricks. She must be feverish to be hallucinating. She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them again, they were no longer in her mother's home. They were standing in a graveyard. "Oh great! What are you, the ghost of Christmas Future?" She was cold and tired and wanted to be home in bed. "This is not your grave, Dana. We have not left your time." The woman was calm and a bit amused. "Do you know the name Alice Davies? " Scully looked into Rose's eyes. They were a soft brown and they seemed to twinkle. "I know that name. She was a six year old girl who stopped breathing at a football game when I was in college. I gave her mouth to mouth." "That's right." Rose turned to the head stone. Scully stared at the name on the stone. "This says she died at the age of six. What happened?" "You weren't there to save her, Dana." "Anyone could've done what I did. I didn't do anything special!" Scully insisted. "Yes, Dana, anyone could've, but no one did. You weren't there and no one else helped Alice and she died." Rose then turned to another grave. "Do you know the name Michael Brand?" Scully was afraid. What was going on? "Yes, he was an agent that was shot during one of my first cases." She knelt down by the grave and touched the lettering on the stone. She picked up a red rose from the bunch lying on the grave. "But he lived, he didn't die." "Yes, Dana, he did die. You weren't there to save him. No other agent had the medical skills you have, they couldn't get help to him soon enough." "But you said nothing happens without a reason, that when it's your time, it's your time. What about that? Why would they die just because I wasn't there?" "Every person is on this world for a purpose. Everything happens for a reason. You were to be there for these people. That was part of your purpose. Two years later, Michael saved fifteen children from burning in a school bus accident, didn't he?" Scully nodded slowly. "That was to be part of his purpose. But he couldn't fulfill that purpose because you weren't there and all those children died." She waited for Scully to accept what she was saying. "Every life has a purpose, every life, Dana, is to be cherished." Scully said nothing. This just can't be happening. What did she eat before bedtime to give her such nightmares? She closed her eyes and when she opened them, they had left the cemetery. Mulder was lying on his sofa. His eyes were closed tightly and the look on his face was one of fear and pain, despair and confusion. He was breathing heavily and she could see his eyes moving rapidly beneath their lids. "He's having a nightmare." "Yes." "What's happened to him?" "Fox is not much different than before, Dana." "So I had no effect on his life at all." It wasn't a question. Scully stated it as if it were a fact she had known all along. "Actually, quite the opposite, Dana. You had a dramatic effect on his life. He is still alive without you, despite the number of times you, personally, saved his life. His purpose is great. Greater than that of most of the world's population. But without your influence, your strength, he's become his father. Believing in some that have betrayed him has broken his spirit, he's done some things that can't be taken back. He's taken lives needlessly, recklessly. Innocent lives, Dana. He's become what he's despised his whole life. He's lost his purpose, his way." Rose touched Mulder's face and he seemed to have calmed a bit. The look not so painful anymore. Tears formed again in Scully's eyes. She knew Mulder was always on the edge. Walking that fine line between sanity and madness. Knowing that he could fall at any moment. The rose she'd been holding slipped from her fingers as she put her hand up to her mouth to stop the cry rising from her throat. "Part of your purpose, Dana, is Fox Mulder. He's a strong man, loyal, a believer. He's to do many wonderful things in his life time and you are to be there with him. He can not do them without you. He isn't that strong. Your strength combined with his determination will see you both through." "How? He doesn't even believe in God. I don't know if I can help him." This was the problem she contemplated deep down within her soul everyday without knowing it. How to help him. Mulder always seemed to need her, but always seemed to disregard her. Respecting her opinions but not giving them any credence. "How can I help him?" She watched him sleep, now seemingly dreamless. "He may think he doesn't believe in God, but God believes in him. And you. You can do it, Dana. You only have to believe in yourself. You are so young, Dana and look at the life you've lived already. You've lived a wonderful life. Don't you see? You've helped a great many people and a great many is still to come. The best part is ahead of you." Scully was light headed. She watched Rose as she spoke, she no longer noticed the room around her. She felt she was spinning. When she looked around again, she was back in her room. Rose was fading. "I'll always be with you, Dana. Your own personal guardian angel." ********** Mulder had tried all day to call Scully, but she wasn't answering. He knew she wanted to be alone but he was worried about her. She hadn't been herself lately. He worried that maybe 'they' were at it again. Putting something in the water or maybe she had another chip somewhere within her body she was unaware of that was feeding her messages. He couldn't put anything past them. She finally called him close to six that evening. She sounded tired but she said she was all right. He wouldn't bother her that night but tomorrow he was going over there to spend Christmas day with her. He knew what it was like to be alone on Christmas and he wasn't going to let her be alone. He hurried to the closest shop that was open to buy her a gift. He knew he should've done it long ago, but he always thought there would be time. When he arrived back home he settled onto his sofa for the night. He flipped the television on. It's a Wonderful Life was almost over. He fell asleep hearing bells and wondered if an angel had gotten their wings. ********** When Scully awoke, she was in her bed, in her night clothes and it was Christmas morning. She felt much better, almost exuberant. 'Boy, what a weird dream.' She shook her head as she got out of bed. Then her thoughts went to Mulder. For some reason, she had to see him today. He was alone, again, on one of the most depressing days to be alone. She decided she would take him to her mother's for Christmas. Scully knew he would argue but she wasn't going to let him be alone today. She dressed with care today. Her mother and Mulder had been worried about her and she wanted them to see she was all right now. She didn't know what had been wrong with her lately. She pulled a beautiful emerald green dress from the closet and laid it on the bed. Her mother loved her in green. An hour later she was walking out the door. She didn't call Mulder first, she wanted to surprise him. The only sound coming from the apartment was the television. Scully could hear the choir singing Christmas carols. She knocked on the door and waited. No answer. "Mulder, it's me, Scully. Open up." She called to him as she knocked again. She searched for his key on her ring and was about to put it in the lock when the door swung open. She looked up at him and smiled an eye crinkling smile. "Hi! Merry Christmas." He was stunned. Was he dreaming? "Scully? What are you doing here? I thought you wanted some time alone." He didn't care what had brought her, he was glad she was here. "Can I come in, Mulder?" He stood aside and she walked in. "I woke up feeling better and just wanted to see you. I thought we could go over to my mother's for Christmas dinner. I didn't want you to be alone today, Mulder." 'That was my line.' He thought as he searched her eyes. She was still smiling so. He had to return it. He melted in those eyes, that smile. Mulder stood there grinning like a fool in his sweat pants. "Well, I need to change. Do you want any breakfast while I shower and change?" "No thanks, Mulder. Mom's going to have so much food, I want to be good and hungry when we sit down to eat." She took off her coat and moved to the living room. She was stunning. The green dress brightened the red in her hair. It was hard to take his eyes off of her. She turned and saw him staring at her. "Mulder, you want go and get ready?" "Uhm, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be right back." He stammered. A half hour later Mulder emerged looking handsome in a suit and tie. "Am I presentable?" He asked grinning. "You look great, Mulder. Mom will be pleased." She started to get up when Mulder stopped her. "Wait, Scully. Just wait right there." He disappeared for a second and when he returned, he sat next to her and handed her a small wrapped box. "Mulder? What is this?" She voiced her surprise. "It's just a little something I wanted to give you for Christmas. Go ahead and open it." He smiled at her. "But I didn't get you anything." "You're here, aren't you? That's the only gift I wanted." He leaned forward to watch her face as she tore into the package. "Mulder." She hesitated. "It's beautiful." Scully was in shock over the gift. It was a small gold pin. An angel holding a rose. He helped her pin it to her lapel. "A guardian angel for my angel of mercy." He couldn't stop grinning. Scully wondered about her dream. This was too weird. Too much of a coincidence. "You shouldn't have done this, Mulder. Thank you." "You're welcome." He stared into her eyes for a moment, his hand covering hers on her knee. She seemed suddenly at odds. "I'm glad you're here." She smiled, nodded and stood. It was then she saw the flower on the floor, just under the coffee table. It was a red rose. It looked like the one she had in her dream when they visited Mulder. Scully picked it up and stared at it. 'It couldn't be! It was just a dream. Wasn't it?' "Mulder? Where did this come from?" He had gotten her coat and walked back over to the sofa. Mulder stared at the flower and thought hard. "I don't know, Scully. The maid came a few days ago, I suppose she could've dropped it. I really don't remember ever seeing it." Mulder helped her with her coat as she laid the rose on the coffee table. He ushered her toward the door and she glanced back at the flower one last time before leaving. Her hand touched the pin as they walked down the corridor. She wondered again about the dream. An angel named Rose, the red rose. The pin, an angel holding a rose. As they neared the front door they heard the laughter of children in the apartment nearest them. Snow was lightly falling outside and as Mulder started the engine, Silver Bells was playing on the radio and Scully smiled. The End